Two Blog Posts in One Day. What am I a Nerd?

Yeah. Pretty much. First and foremost, I'm not writing about working from home tonight. Sorry, kids. I just needed to write because I think that's something nerds do when they have no friends to talk to. Might as well write to some random, anonymous strangers on the internet right?

I'm having a bad night. Just in a bad place for some reason. For those who don't know, divorce sucks. It's probably one of the suckiest things you'll ever go through in life. And that's why I'll never get married again. Ever.

Oh I'm not swearing off men. Not by a long shot. When this is all said and done, I'll go back to dating like I wasn't coming off of a 6 year withdrawal. But I'll never marry a man again. I'll never put myself in a situation to be hurt this badly again.

My mom and my brother are watching that comedy, “What to Expect When You're Expecting” and although it has a lot of comedians in it that I like, I'm having to sit with headphones in my ears and my back turned to the TV. Why? Because I can't handle anything talking about couples and families and new babies right now. That's how much divorce sucks.

My baby girl is just over a year old. Which means that just over a year ago, I was in a hospital room with my husband giving birth to our little angel. Before her first birthday, mommy and daddy were done. I'm not ok with that. In fact, I'm not ok with anything right now.

I've never had to feel this way before. Whenever I'd get out of one relationship, I'd run to nearest man-in-uniform (I had a thing for those types) to fix my broken ego. I wouldn't spend nights alone like a nerd. Like I am tonight.

But getting over a marriage is a bit more complicated than getting over a “relationship.” It hurts a lot. A whole lot. So I sit alone, avoiding anything that even hints at what I don't have anymore.

I must be some kind of pathetic. How do I let a man hurt me and yet somehow I'm the only one crying when I finally walk away. Whatever. I hate divorce, I wish I could have this over with by tomorrow, but I have to wait until the time is right – when everything is ready and in place. I hate feelings. Feelings are for girls. I need a beer.

Goodnight, internet. Don't be surprised if I delete this post tomorrow. I'll probably be embarrassed about it by then.